I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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