he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
