So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize