non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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