They should really pass out barf bags in church
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I could fuck to npr.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
