somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
