I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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