Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
