Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
