i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
