Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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