A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
