??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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