Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
