Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
