Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
