Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
