the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
