and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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