that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
