So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
