I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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