He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
