I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
