Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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