I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
