she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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