He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
