i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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