I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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