After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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