Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
