You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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