I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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