I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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