I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
