I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
