he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't deserve a penis
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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