did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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