it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
