The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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