life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
