I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
