and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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