end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my poor anus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
