You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want her autograph on my taint
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
