i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
