So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
