Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
