We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
