I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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