it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
