Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
