Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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