is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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