those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
