chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
3pm strippers are depressing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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