My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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