You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
