dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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