You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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