If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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