i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He has the fingertips of a God
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
