i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was confusing and full of hummus
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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