I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
