Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
