I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
