My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
